Oliver-preschool

Rosie-Kindergarten


Max-Kindergarten

I love that my kids can just run with whatever they are excelling at at that moment. Max is about to start the 4th grade language workbook even though he is only in kindergarten. Rosie is about to start the 3rd grade language workbook. Do I think they are exceptionally smart? No. I think that the Montessori method is able to identify when a child is in their particular window to learn something and then give the child the means to go at their pace without the constrictions of following a classroom lesson plan.

It doesn't surprise me (and makes me proud) that the children are excelling, at this point, in language skills. We live in a house full of books and words. In my house words have power, both for good and evil. I am a strong believer that ugly, hateful words can stick to the walls and actually make the house ugly and hateful. When my children use hateful words they have to apologize to the person and then they have to apologize to the house. (We even make them kiss the walls! which always makes them giggle.) We read aloud to the children every night from books that excite and challenge them. Good stories that Bob and I enjoy to read. Right now we are reading, Kenny and the Dragon by Tony DiTerlizzi. (the author of the Spiderwick Chronicles) The kids are loving it.

Next we will probably throw in some more Greek Myths. We haven't read those is a while and they are such great stories! We have been impressed with the Usborne collection.

And then we will start my all-time favorite children's book, Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell. I can't wait! Rosie is going to love this one.

PLEASE don't underestimate what your children can comprehend. Listening to stories read aloud can take some practice. Before you get to a novel with no pictures, start with some short stories and read them only showing the pictures after you have finished the page. The Mercy Watson series is great for this. As the children become accustomed to listening, and they train their attention span, you can start reading longer and longer stories until you are reading short novels to them. I will put together a list of my kids favorite books to listen to and post it on here. And children are never too old to be read to. We read all of the Harry Potter books aloud with Conor. The last one when he was 15. We loved reading them together and discussing and speculating after each chapter! I promise you will have a lot of fun with this.

Lessons in At-Homeness

One of the things that I love about our community and school is the number of families who have chosen to have a parent at home, or with school age children, a parent at home when the children are at home. This is not to say anything against families with both parents working full time, it is simply that the dynamic of the community is different. Friends come home with the kids after school. They can run around the corner to a friend's house or just play with the other neighborhood kids on the block. And I think it makes the parents more open to getting together as well. There is not the busyness or lack of time and energy to socialize on the spur of the moment.

And what I really love about our school is the number of stay-at-home dads. What a cool dynamic they bring to their families. They have really inspired me in many ways. As an at home mom, there are the pressures of the societal images of what an at-home mom should be like, and what her family should look like, and what her home should smell like. Even though we modern at-home moms have busted out of the pearls, that demon June Cleaver still lingers in the backs of our minds as a standard.

At-home dads have the freedom of no such icon. And this freedom allows them to create the role for themselves. They have already done an about face on the societal expectations put on men to be breadwinners, so they have purposefully done away with that pressure. Do they still have to deal with the patronization of career men the same way we do with career women? I'm sure. And it outrages me as much as my own experiences do. But, at home within their families they get a chance to explore. And with this group of at-home dads, they had careers and educations that they put on hold for their families. I have found a great mix of intelligent, creative, fun loving men and that appears to be what they bring first to their roles. They play with their kids. They are so much more active with them. And that's what they have inspired me with. A new emphasis on what should be important in my at-homeness.

It will be interesting to see what the children of SAHDs grow up like. Especially the daughters. I get a little worried sometimes when Rosie wants to be like me so she straps a doll into her sling and starts washing the floor. Not that that isn't a part of what I do, but it isn't who I am. And the father-daughter dynamic is so different from the mother-daughter one. Mothers tend to coddle their sons, and fathers their daughters. So, to have that full time coddling reversed would be very interesting. What a neat childhood for a girl. And for a boy to have someone there actively playing and roughhousing and giving an outlet to that energy. AND he'll see a man modeling housework for him. His future wife will love this! I just really enjoy watching these families and how they interact. It gives me so much food for thought.

My favorite example of the difference of the kids being raised by at-home dads vs. moms was from a dinner party we had a few months ago. Rosie came into the dining room and asked me, "Mommy, can I please have some more chocolate milk?" Not 5 minutes later a little boy walked up to his dad and said, "How about another round of chocolate milk, dad?"

With the love of a good man...

Yesterday could not have brought more anxiety with it. So much that I slept through most of the day. Not only was there the anxiety surrounding school, but there was the additional anxiety of driving 3 hours away from my children and trying not to die. I was freaked out because I had slept instead of writing little notes to all of the kids telling them to have a good day and that I loved them just so they would have something... you know, just in case.

The more anxious I got, the more withdrawn I became. The more withdrawn I became the more bouncy Bob became. He has been flitting around the house for days going on and on about how excited he is that I am going back to school and aren't I excited and isn't this just so great. And though sweet and endearing it was working on my every last frazzled nerve.

Let me step back here a second to explain that Bob and I aren't the most lovey dovey couple in the world. We tend to express our devotion to each other with big nose jokes. (both of us have them) Bob expresses his love in a very similar fashion to a 4th grade boy. When out to dinner while we were dating he once tried to saw my arm off with a butter knife. He would want to tell me how great a moment was but instead he would give me a wet willy. You get the picture. Back to my story.

My mom and I finally got off with Eleanor in the backseat. By the time we got to Terre Haute we had lost and hour in the time zone change and it was nearly 9:00. We drove around lost in Terre Haute looking for something to eat and finally made it to campus at nearly 10:00. The campus was dark and the Welcome Center was of course closed by this time so I had to call the security guard to come get me my key so we could get into the guest house. No smiling welcome with balloons and confetti. After settling Sweeting for the night, I looked forward to the reassurance of talking to Bob. But when I called him I have no reception. none. My mom's phone had no reception. I went outside. no reception. I tried to call from the phone in the hall. no long distance. the phone in our room. no long distance. I tossed and turned all night without that thread of connection and hope. Thank goodness my mom was there.

I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots. Still there was no reception. I got Eleanor and myself ready and walked over to the library for the presentations. I was barely keeping it all bottled in. As I took a step into the library, my alert went off on my phone. It was a text message from Bob.

Have a great day. You are awesome. I love you lots.

yeah.
took my breath away, too.

Random things

My Week of Being There ended up more like three days of Being There. I didn't consciously give it up. It just happened. But, at least I have it in my mind now and I'm being more intentional about how I respond to the children.

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Thursday is my Residency day. I will be going to St. Mary-of-the-Woods College for my orientation, to purchase my books, and meet with my professors and adviser. Because I live several hours away and the orientation starts at 9:00 promptly, I am going up the night before and staying on campus. And because I am still exclusively breastfeeding, my mother is going with me and will spend the day with Sweeting so I can take breaks to feed her. Yay! Mom! I am both excited and nervous.

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I am having to put my New Year's Resolution on hold. I am about to start the Total Money Makeover and the part that has always gotten in my craw was that you were supposed to start by saving $1000. That would take us awhile. So, I'm going to use money from our tax return to get that part out of the way. I try to do a good job with money. And for the most part we do. But, there are some places that definitely need some cleaning up. And while we have less than $1000 in credit card debt, we still have Chowder's student loans from his last Master's Degree. I'd really like to get that paid down quickly.

So, when I know where we stand after our Makeover than I can judge a budget for the house.

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If you are about to plan your veggie garden or you would really like to get started on one this year, my friend Bridgett found this super cool Google Book called War Vegetable Gardening and the Home Storage of Vegetables ...By National war garden commission written during World War I. It is amazingly helpful and practical. It is written to help a complete novice and I am using it to make my plans. You should too.

Gee thanks, Octuplet Lady.

I belong to two online parenting communities. One is a parenting after IVF community and the other is parenting lots of kids. And while these may seem like opposing communities, they actually share a deep love for children. Both the ones hard fought for and easily gained. Many times I find myself an ambassador for the other perspective because I fit so neatly in between.

Both communities have been hit very negatively in the media and public sphere by the woman who just gave birth to Octuplets. If you have somehow managed to not hear about this, just Google it. Both communities have been invaded by reporters wanting to interview people about our experiences. With trepidation, some have given the interview. But, the articles portrayed the stories they wanted to tell. In the case of my large family friend who was interviewed, out of the dozens of pictures they took of the family, the NYT decided on the picture that showed them barefoot, standing in front of religious art and ripped wallpaper (from their autistic son.) hmmmm....Do you think the NYT had a vision they wanted to flesh out?

But, the communities are also now being invaded by "Critics." On the message board of my Lots of Kids community someone posed this question:

I am one of "those people" who has always disdained large families. But maybe you can change my perspective by sharing yours. Why is having lots of kids more important than providing the best life you can for each?

That isn't snark; I'm genuinely curious. Explain to me how you negotiate these tradeoffs.

I'm posting my response with some prettying up because I don't think this is an uncommon thought...

First off, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to convince you of anything. If you don't want a big family, don't have one. (And that was not snarky, either. I promise.) I think the main thing is that these days, we are not forced to have big families. We choose them. We choose them because, for us, it makes our lives fuller. If a family of one child or two makes your life fuller? Than that's the right family size for you.

And the phrase, "best life" is such a curious one. A completely subjective idea. What would have been the best life for me growing up would not necessarily be the best life for you. And how can you generalize so much about large families? It makes it sound like having only one or two children guarantees a "best life." I know plenty of children in one or two child families who get less attention from their parents than ours do. Our family has made conscious decisions that help us lead a life using a smaller footprint and using less resources than most one or two child families. The idea that family size somehow predicts happiness and fulfillment is absurd in my mind. Our kids come third (only after our faith and our marriage.) And they are very well cared for emotionally and physically.

I don't think people really know what life is like in our family. We laugh more than any other family I know. I still take plenty of time for myself and for my husband and I. I'm not a drone. Going about doing mindless work in a gray world. My children have taught me so much about myself and about how to relax and enjoy life. There is a perception that we are somehow this big ball of stress and chaos. Ok. maybe the chaos part is right, but we actually DON'T sweat the small stuff. For me, I love that insignificant things that should not occupy my time or thoughts...don't. Because, my time and thoughts are filled up with important things.

I love that I roller skate and write poems and bake depending on the different child. I'm learning how to knit with my daughter and play the guitar from one of my sons who is also teaching a little brother. My kids have each other to stand up for them against the world. (I overheard Oliver and Max talking about how they needed to talk with a girl at school because she was being mean to Rosie) To help them with homework. (They are always challenging each other to do better.) Things they would rather get from each other than from a parent. But, they still get everything they could want or need from us.

Our youngest is 4 months old and I'm having to constantly tell my kids to chill out on the more siblings question. They want more! (ok. not Conor.) They love their lives. We are a very laid back and fun family. Other families have commented on how they feel so comfortable around us because there is no drive to impress.

As far as the whole "older kids raising the younger kids" things I hear about all the time, again, I have to beat my kids off their younger siblings with a stick (and NO, not literally) I'm constantly telling them, "I'm the Mommy, I'll take care of that." And they are begging to do it instead. Should I then forbid them from helping their little siblings? Rosie is the only one that Fiona will allow to help her onto the potty. When I tried to stop her, Rosie said, "Why? I want to help her!" and stomped off in a huff. And Max helps Oliver tie his shoes and button his oxford. Without my asking! Is it somehow bad that I'm raising children who love each other and want to help each other out? They are learning important relationship skills and it bonds them together.

Don't get me wrong. Life isn't always peachy. We have days of nonstop bickering (myself and Bob included). I yell too much. The wet, gray winter can get very long. The laundry pile can get very high. And the toilets get amazingly dirty. But, in my mind it all comes down to a game of Yahtzee. Brothers and sisters chanting for that last 4 for their brother's last roll of the dice and when it comes up a 3 they all groan together and when it comes a 4 they all raise a cheer and yell "Yahtzee!!"

My favorite things...slings

I'm a bit of a baby carrier addict. I love them. They make mommying so much easier and babying so much more comforting. With Fiona, I purchased my first pouch sling from the amazing and talented Niki over at Coastal Slings. You really need to check out her website. You pick the fabrics email her your measurements and she custom makes your sling so it fits you perfectly. And she does it all quickly and frankly cheaply. Note that her prices are in Canadian.

Here's what I see when I look down into my sling at Eleanor...



and it doesn't take long until she looks like this...


With Eleanor, I ordered a ring sling from Raspberry Baby. What I like about the ring sling is its adjustability. And I like to be able to wear the baby on my chest kangaroo-ish style with the feet tucked in. She did a wonderful job the way she attached the rings is fabulous! and the fabric is beautiful. and she even switched it for me because I like to sling from left shoulder. Love it.


Here is brand spanking new Eleanor in my ring sling. She was the smiling-est newborn I ever saw...
and here's me, looking a little rough in the early days...


Both slings are from work at home moms and both are very professionally made. And I'm a bit of a snob about these things.

The Week of Being There

Yesterday began the Week of Being There. My week long experiment of not saying, "Just a minute" or "Hang on. Let me finish this." When I'm not doing anything important. When I'm on the computer or getting caught up in cleaning. Things that should not come before the kids. There obviously are things that I'm doing that I have to say, "Just a minute" to, like feeding Sweeting or taking a shower. But, in those cases I will tell them an exact time that I will do such and such with them. This does not mean I don't get any time to myself, it means that I waste a lot of time during the day, these days, that should be going to them.

So, yesterday was our first full day. And you know what? We had a great day! I had a lot of fun. We watched Sound of Music (reigniting my lifelong fantasies about Christopher Plummer), played Yahtzee, and did one of the kids' favorite things...We set up the camera on timer on one end of the room and then race to the other end to get our picture taken.

I'm looking forward to getting back to the things I love to do. and cracking out of this miserable shell.

grrrrr! What happened to the music?! It's so much funnier with Polka music!! Isn't everything?