Peek-In-Monday

I'm not one to call someone stupid...or foolish. But some just get what they are asking for. For example, Boy Cat. Eleanor was playing on the rug in the living room, being her regular menace-self, when he comes walking in and lays down right next to her and starts rolling around on his back to get her to play with him. This same scenario plays out near daily. No lessons have been learned...or else, he actually likes it rough. Girl Cat on the other hand, runs when the Baby Monster comes stomping

Picture Day

Trying to get a couple of nice pictures of the kids still fresh and clean before picture day...
at least they are adorable little monsters

Peek-In-Monday

We have a family song that we sing to the babies. It's basically their name followed by La La La's. It's been sung to every baby and it makes them all stop crying. The kids have loved having this simple song to sing to the babies when they are crying, and usually sing it it the car when there is nothing else to be done. It works every time. Here is Sweeting learning the song...

I love her tongue action! sorry about the quality. cell phone footage.

Hrumph!

You may recall from Christmases past that one of my favorite things about the Christmas season is buying the new Hallmark singing snowman. I love these things. But with great sadness I have to tell you that this year...there is no new singing, dancing plush snowman. There is a singing Snoopy, but honestly I've always associated Snoopy with my neighbor's house that had a weird smell. Not, the cozy holiday cockle warming I'm lookin for. So, I am sad.

I will try to find solace in the annoying potential of the Fridge Snowman.

Peek-In-Monday

Max helping us clean-up the yard.

Common Focus

It all goes by so fast. Even these days right now where I am scrambling and exhausted. or maybe MORE these days because I am scrambling and exhausted, I feel it all just slipping through my finger tips. They really do grow up so fast and right before our very eyes. Fiona was just born! Wasn’t she? Weren’t they all?

Some of it is a welcome adjustment, such as the way the kids are able to pitch in more now that they are older. This week’s chores are Rosie and Fiona washing and folding one load of laundry a day (I still have to do another load, but still!) and Max is spraying and wiping down all the bathrooms everyday (I clean them thoroughly once a week) and Oliver is feeding the pets and cleaning up their waste everyday. That part is really nice.

But, that also leads us to the other places. The peer relationships that can be so tricky to navigate. The popular toys that go against our values. The introduction of media that we feel is too mature for them. This is where the growing up gets sticky and the test for how well we are holding on to our family’s values and identity. This is where I find the real struggles of parenting. This is where second guessing can begin to plague me. Is it really important that we don’t watch High School Musical, yet? What are my reasons for that again? Barbie? Power Rangers? In the end will really matter? Am I making a mountain of too many little mole hills? Aren’t there more important core issues that I need to stand on? But then aren’t all these little pieces a part of holding on to the core issues? How do we decide which activities we participate in?

I read once in one of the million parenting books that I have read, that each family should write its own mission statement. This idea intrigued me because mission statements are so key to the non-profit organizations in which I participate. The mission statement should be short and to the point and then help an organization or family focus its...well, mission. An organization cannot do everything. That dilution of mission means that it will do many things poorly instead of a few things well. So, if something comes up that does not fit in our mission? then we simply don’t do it. Girl Scouts? A great organization but if it’s not a part of who are family wants to be, than great! Decision made. And not just another thing that we have to add to our list of things we are doing. It is too easy for a family to fall into the “do many things poorly” trap. and Hannah Montana? Bakugan? Does it fit with our values? no? yes? super. decision made. As we start embarking on this next phase of family life, it would be good to have a common focus. It will make each individual decision easier when we have a larger lens to look

This man...

I just came across this picture from when Fiona was born and it took my breath away.

From this summer

Bob's parents told him that the bartender at the country club they live on was asking about Oliver. How was he doing? What had he been up to? Telling them what a great kid he is.

and he is.

We just can't figure out when he's been hanging out in the bar. We're wondering if maybe we should keep a closer eye on him when we are visiting the grandparents.

The Curse has been inherited...

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the kids. They are beyond excited. But, today Rosie told me that she is a little worried about school because "Mary" is in her class. Last year "Mary" was a developing Queen Bee and Rosie was genuinely confused by her and fickleness. and her meanness.

It was incredibly apropos because I just finished confronting a Queen Bee in my own life so I was able to talk with her from a very fresh perspective. But, I'm afraid I burdened her with a curse more than alleviated her concerns. It would appear that she, like me, was born to battle these creatures. And on the one hand I felt a little proud but on the other my heart broke for all of the future heartbreak she is facing. So, I tried to arm her as best I could. Here is what I told her, from one Queen Bee Slayer to another.

I wish I could tell you that girls grew out of this phase. That somewhere hearts were softened and insecurities were wiped away and these Mean Girls turned into compassionate, open women. But that would be a lie. You will meet Mean Girls your entire life. The first lesson that you have to learn is how to recognize them. It is easier to simply avoid their reach altogether than to have to slip out from their grasp once you realize what you are tangling with.

A sure sign that you are dealing with a Mean Girl is if she tries to cozy up to you and get information from you about other people, your friends. She may sound supportive or sympathetic. She generally shows up an opportune time, like when you have just had an argument with one of your friends. Trust me. This girl has no interest in comforting you. She only wants to use you. Your best response...You should ask her that yourself.

The second and hardest lesson you need to learn is that when you go up against a Queen Bee, you are going alone. Even if you are going to defend your friend against mean things that the Queen Bee has done. You will look at the Queen Bee and all her "friends" around her and when you turn to find comfort in seeing your friends behind you...you will hear the wind in the trees and gravel under your feet. But you will not hear the sound of someone backing you up. I've done this countless times. I wish to God that I didn't feel like I had to fight these battles. But, I truly can't help it. And the worst feeling is knowing that you are standing there completely alone. Even at my age when I know that it is the case, I still hope...and my heart still drops. But, if you choose to stick your neck out and stand up to her, (and you don't have to!) know beforehand that you will be standing alone. No matter how many people told you that this person needed to be brought down. No matter how hurt and upset the person you are defending is, in the end it is your neck. alone. And nine times out of ten, you're going to get your ass handed to you in a pretty package with a bow on top. And after all of that, they will come out of the woodwork to tell you how great it was that you stood up to the Queen Bee.

And the last lesson...nine times out of ten? It won't have changed anything. The Queen Bee will still reign. But you? You have stood up to injustice. You will hurt. But, I have to believe that somewhere in the universe this little flap of butterfly wing has brought about an act of great love.

It all goes by so fast. Even these days right now where I am scrambling and exhausted. or maybe MORE these days because I am scrambling and exhausted, I feel it all just slipping through my finger tips. They really do grow up so fast and right before our very eyes. Sweeting was *just* born! Wasn’t she? Weren’t they all?

Some of it is a welcome adjustment, such as the way the kids are able to pitch in more now that they are older. This week’s chores are Rosie and Fiona washing and folding one load of laundry a day (I still have to do another load, but still!) and Max is spraying and wiping down all the bathrooms everyday (I clean them thoroughly once a week) and Oliver is feeding the pets and cleaning up their waste everyday. That part is really nice.

But, that also leads us to the other places. The peer relationships that can be so tricky to navigate. The popular toys that go against our values. The introduction of media that we feel is too mature for them. This is where the growing up gets sticky and the test for how well we are holding on to our family’s values and identity. This is where I find the real struggles of parenting. This is where second guessing can begin to plague me. Is it really important that we don’t watch High School Musical, yet? What are my reasons for that again? Barbie? Power Rangers? In the end will really matter? Am I making a mountain of too many little mole hills? Aren’t there more important core issues that I need to stand on? But then aren’t all these little pieces a part of holding on to the core issues? How do we decide which activities we participate in?

I read once in one of the million parenting books that I have read, that each family should write its own mission statement. This idea intrigued me because mission statements are so key to the non-profit organizations in which I participate. The mission statement should be short and to the point and then help an organization or family focus its...well, mission. An organization cannot do everything. That dilution of mission means that it will do many things poorly instead of a few things well. So, if something comes up that does not fit in our mission? then we simply don’t do it. Girl Scouts? A great organization but if it’s not a part of who are family wants to be, than great! Decision made. And not just another thing that we have to add to our list of things we are doing. It is too easy for a family to fall into the “do many things poorly” trap. and Hannah Montana? Bakugan? Does it fit with our values? no? yes? super decision made. As we start embarking on this next phase of family life, it would be good to have a common focus.

When Bob gets home I think we will be investigating this further. It will make each individual decision easier when we have a larger lens to look through.

He's Gone Again

Well, Friday night brought him home to us and Sunday afternoon took him away again. It was really great to see him and hold him again, but we both agree that it made it harder for him to go back. I’m hoping the kids will adjust ok tomorrow morning.

We had friends over for dinner tonight and we’ll have more over tomorrow, Wednesday, and Friday. It really helps to have these evenings broken up. All of these people love us and support us and won’t bat an eye about the house slowing falling apart around us. They’ll probably smoothly pitch in without any mind. I can’t tell you how blessed we are to have such amazing friends and neighbors.

It seems I’m going going going all day but still keep falling behind. My vow this week is to be lights out going to sleep by 11:00 pm. I think a big part of the problem is my lack of sleep. He called me tonight to let me know that he got to Dubuque safely, so now everyone is in their place.

not so good at this solo parenting thing

I need to remember that Fiona is like a bad fart, silent but deadly.

While I was up changing Eleanor's diaper, I left Fiona in the family room. By the time I had come back downstairs, she had downed half a bottle of Hershey's syrup. I found her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor nursing it like a baby bottle.

I went upstairs for a few minutes while I disciplined Oliver and came downstairs to find Fiona had made them pretty! meaning written all over herself and Eleanor with green permanent marker.

I went upstairs during Fiona and Eleanor's naptime to throw in some laundry and found the nursery's door open. Fiona was in Eleanor's crib and had covered them both in Post-it notes.

Randomness...

What a week I've left behind and what a few weeks I have ahead of me. I didn't get as much done last week as I wanted, but I did turn in several homework assignments and got some Spring cleaning done. It was great for the kids to be able to be outside pretty much all week. The weather was beautiful! And I spent some time doing stuff with them that I need to do more of.

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I have been working on my new website and hope to have it up sometime in the next week. It won't be the most seamless transition because I have never done anything like this. Hopefully it will all come together.

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Bob has gone to Iowa for 3 weeks. He is doing some sort of training thingamajig for family ministry. Today was our first full day without him. We did a good job and held it together all day. But now...it's almost midnight and I have no one to snuggle in with. I started taking my OCD medication last week anticipating the anxiety. I was taking a 1/4 dose. But last night I upped it to a 1/2 dose. I'm feeling pretty well, though my morbid thoughts still get stuck. Like when Fiona came in this morning looking for him and she cried the most quiet, pitiful cry, would not let me hold her and she climbed back into her crib to weep softly all by herself. And I couldn't get the "What if" thoughts out of my head. The "this is what it would be like if he died" thoughts. And then I began to weep softly all by myself.

The other thing is that I really miss him. I like him quite a bit and he always makes his presence known, so there is an obvious "Bob Vacuum." We have set up video chat on our computers and text several times a day. I know it's so hard at the beginning, but soon it will be over and he will be home. with me. where he belongs.

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Humphrey is having some sort of gastrointestinal issues, right now. Let me tell you, a 160 lb dog can really stink a place up. Plus every couple of hours he starts whining because he needs to go out. I'm hoping that will not be the case all night long.

In him was life....

So many times when I hear about the birth, life, and death of Jesus, it always surrounded by the significance of what the Son of God's presence has meant for humankind. Don't get me wrong. I am a Christian and obviously for me, the significance is profound. But I feel like so many times we stop there. I love to set my spirit a little further out to see the bigger picture.

One of my favorite meditations to do is to "float" up and out to get a picture of all of creation. To imagine how the incarnation would have been felt and experienced by bird and beast and plant and earth. "Even the stones will cry out!" Wasn't all of creation consecrated at that moment in time? The sun, the moon, the stars? At Christmastime we tend to leave the ox and the donkey and the sheep in the background of the creche scene. Sometimes we get sentimental children's stories that have a mouse trying to come up with a gift for the baby, supposedly portraying metaphorically the child herself and how the littlest gift we have if given with our dearest heart is enough for the Messiah. But, why wouldn't the mouse give a gift. Am I really to believe that all of creation wasn't effected by their Creator God stepping down to live in the creation? that the sheep were unaffected by the heavenly host? that the first small cry of the Creator born into the presence of the ox and donkey didn't make them quake?

It is the same for me this Easter. I do not picture the moment of Resurrection as a "lightning bolt" scenario. God had already shown in another cave in Bethlehem that that wasn't his style. I picture it like the first breath of his first birth. That small intake of breath conquering fear and death. That didn't just reverberate throughout all humankind by its saving power, but also like the theoretic flap of a butterfly wing, the whole of God's creation was sent into a chaos of hope and life.

Why I haven't been posting...

guilt.
I can't justify blogging when I have not turned in an assignment in 2 weeks. That's bad guys. Not killing me dead in the water, but definitely not good. I am taking Principles of Marketing (3 hrs), News Reporting (3 hrs), and Saints and Peacemakers (2 hrs). I wrote a paper last night on St. John of the Cross and have another to write tonight on St. Catherine of Sienna. I'm thinking if I do an assignment a day (which is totally doable, you know, if I do.) I will be ok. Soooo...cracking open the books and hopefully cracking back into blogging soon, too.

The one about the read alouds

In my last post about reading aloud to children I was telling you about the transition from sitting in your lap and looking at pictures while you read to them, to lying in bed listening and following along in their imagination as you read to them. A child needs a little practice developing his focus and attention to stay with you. One of the things we found helpful in this transition is poetry. I suggest A. A. Milne's lovely books, When We Were Very Young and Now We Are Six. Both are filled with sweet, funny poems that the kids love. Don't try to rush through them. Read 3 or 4 over a few times for them to enjoy the rhythm and the play on language. Caroline Kennedy put together one of my favorite anthologies with poems by Robert Louis Stevenson, e. e. cummings, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou and many others. really great stuff. and if you have a poetry phobia, put it aside for a little while. Children really "get" poetry.

Anthologies are another great way to build attention. We read from Grimm's Fairy Tales (yes the original ones), Greek Myths (Usborne puts out a really nice collection), Aesop's Fables, a collection of Oscar Wilde's children's stories, a book of American Tall Tales, The Just So stories, collections by Thorton Burgess (great animal stories that tell a bit about the animal, very sweet.) and we read selections from a book of Saints (because that's how we roll.) We tried the Wind in the Willows when the kids were 4 and 5 and we chose to put it down for a little while. The stories are wonderful but the language is a bit advanced. We'll probably go back again this summer. Most of these short story readings can be done in an evening's reading time but some of the longer ones are best divided in half to help the child learn to carry over a plot to the next day. Before you start the second half, you might want to ask the child questions about what they remember and fill in any fuzzy spots.

When we were ready to jump into chapter books, we started with beginning reader chapter books. The plots were simple and the language not particularly challenging. The kids enjoyed reading a few of the Magic Tree House books, and Usborne put out some simplified versions of classic books that we read. (I debated doing this. I wanted my kids to hear the real version of the Wizard of Oz, but after reading about classical education and the way a subject is revisited every four years to a higher degree of understanding, I thought these would be the perfect getting your feet wet into some of the more complicated classics. and Usborme does a nice job with it.)

Some of the chapter books that we have loved

• My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett
  
• The Waterhorse by Dick King Smith
• A Mouse Called Wolf by Dick King-Smith
• Stuart Little by E.B. White
  
• Charlotte's Web by E.B. White
  
• The Henry books by Beverly Cleary
  
• All things Kate DiCamillo (We LOVE her.)
• The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary
  
• Nim's Island by Wendy Orr

I know there are others I can't think of at the moment. I'll start a list on the sidebar. But, this list should give you a lot to chew on. Please list any of your favorites in the comments. We are always looking for new books!

I have been using a crappy plastic 3 qt mixer since I went away to college the first time. I guess it can't be too crappy since it lasted 20 years. But it was definitely time for a new one. One batch of cookie dough could overload it. And one batch of cookie dough may last one day in my house. I had been wanting to buy a larger capacity one for years. One I can double or even triple the dough in. Well, I finally did it. I bought a KitchenAid 600 series 6 qt professional mixer. And I'll tell you what finally made me do it.

Two weeks ago my awesome KitchenAid food processor met a tragic end. I was mixing my second batch of foccacia dough in it that day and the motor got so hot (I assume) that the dough blade became fused to the metal shaft. It would not come off for anything. I called their customer service number and she gave me a couple of things to try. They didn't work so she simply said, "Ok. We'll get a new one out in the mail tomorrow and just send the old one back in the same box." And just like that a new one came. And so just like that I became a loyal customer. And the owner of a new kick butt mixer.

Don't you just love my still life! It just so happened that Fiona dumped those grapes there right before I took the picture. I didn't even notice until I was editing the picture!

the one about the birthday gifts...

Another reason we love the kids' school is the parents. We have a great group of laid back, fun, noncompetitive, intelligent folks. The children reflect that. As do their birthday parties. My kids do not buy birthday presents for each other, much less for friends. We make our gifts and the recipients always love them. For example, one of their friends was having a party at a park that has a big fountain. My kids made a whole fleet of paper boats to sail in the fountain and paper admiral hats to go with them. The kids all had a blast with them. There are your standard homemade playdoh and bottles of bubbles which are fun. We have done cookie/muffin mixes in a jar which are actually a huge hit with kids and parents. As are "experience" gifts. Arranging with the parent ahead of time a date you can take the birthday child to the pool with you or a favorite of my kids' friends has been coming over to bake and decorate cookies. Or do a kid friendly cooking class. Be creative! Think about what kids like to do. Then take pictures and afterward make a little photobook and give that to the child. The computer is our friend. We print off fun labels for the bottles and jars. Some other favorites...

• check out this website for really cool templates to make lots of cool stuff.
  
• Custom cds- Each child makes a mix cd of their favorite songs. They design album covers and cd stickers. We package them all in a decorative envelope.
• Library bags. You can buy some blank canvas bags quite cheaply at the craft store. Scan a picture your child drew into the computer. Add some text ie Suzy could spend all day with a good book and print it out on an iron on transfer. Iron it on to the bag. You can use a template to make a library card holder envelope from another piece of child's artwork. You could also make beach bags.
  
• Customized Word Magnets. In a Word document, make a list of the names of the birthday child and her family members, your child's name and list nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, articles etc. Using simple present tense makes it simpler. ie Suzy happily dances with the singing hippopotamus. Skip a line between each line of text with 3 spaces between words. Then you can either print the sheets off and attach them to adhesive backed magnet sheets (cheaper) or you use printer friendly magnet sheets. We put them in a decorated tin.
• Book Plates. Scan a piece of your child's artwork into a Word document. Format it for large shipping labels. Add text ie This book belongs to Suzy Smith. and duplicate it for each label. Print them out and separate them into a nice stack and tie with a ribbon. We usually include a gently read favorite book with a label already in it.
• Stationary. Have your kids fill a piece of paper with a pattern. Like rows of hearts or rainbow stripes. scan it into your computer and fade the colors out. Fill a whole page with the design and add text ie From the desk of Suzy Smith at the top. You can also do this in landscape so you can actually have two sheets per page after you cut it in half. Print off ten sheets and tie with a ribbon. Then you can use a envelope template to make envelopes from colored copy paper or from other sheets printed with their design on it. You can use card stock and add some little note cards or thank you notes. You can also make smiley face sealing stickers from price dots.

I'm going to try to upload some images of these things so you can get a better picture of them. I don't have them on my new computer so I'm going to have grab them off the old one.

My point is simply that birthdays don't have to be filled with cheap junk and your homemade gifts don't have to be quaint. You can design some pretty cool stuff with your kids and the computer. I'm looking forward to figuring out what we can do with Photobooth!

I'm cude! I'm cude! She said I'm cude!

OK. So she didn't really say I was cute. But I felt just like Rudolph.
I put a link to my blog in the personal information sheet I filled out for my journalism class and today I received a very fortifying email from my professor complimenting my family and then she said, "You're a terrific writer." *swoon*

I never used to have such weird insecurities before, but this school thing has really challenged my feelings of adequacy. As much as I have always enjoyed writing, maybe this isn't where my talents really lie. I mean, I think I sound like a rock star when I sing in the shower, but I would really just be one of the painfully embarrassing American Idol try-outs. Am I really just wasting my time? So, to have my first contact with my professor be such encouragement meant the world to me.

*singsong* off to do my homework

Oliver-preschool

Rosie-Kindergarten


Max-Kindergarten

I love that my kids can just run with whatever they are excelling at at that moment. Max is about to start the 4th grade language workbook even though he is only in kindergarten. Rosie is about to start the 3rd grade language workbook. Do I think they are exceptionally smart? No. I think that the Montessori method is able to identify when a child is in their particular window to learn something and then give the child the means to go at their pace without the constrictions of following a classroom lesson plan.

It doesn't surprise me (and makes me proud) that the children are excelling, at this point, in language skills. We live in a house full of books and words. In my house words have power, both for good and evil. I am a strong believer that ugly, hateful words can stick to the walls and actually make the house ugly and hateful. When my children use hateful words they have to apologize to the person and then they have to apologize to the house. (We even make them kiss the walls! which always makes them giggle.) We read aloud to the children every night from books that excite and challenge them. Good stories that Bob and I enjoy to read. Right now we are reading, Kenny and the Dragon by Tony DiTerlizzi. (the author of the Spiderwick Chronicles) The kids are loving it.

Next we will probably throw in some more Greek Myths. We haven't read those is a while and they are such great stories! We have been impressed with the Usborne collection.

And then we will start my all-time favorite children's book, Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell. I can't wait! Rosie is going to love this one.

PLEASE don't underestimate what your children can comprehend. Listening to stories read aloud can take some practice. Before you get to a novel with no pictures, start with some short stories and read them only showing the pictures after you have finished the page. The Mercy Watson series is great for this. As the children become accustomed to listening, and they train their attention span, you can start reading longer and longer stories until you are reading short novels to them. I will put together a list of my kids favorite books to listen to and post it on here. And children are never too old to be read to. We read all of the Harry Potter books aloud with Conor. The last one when he was 15. We loved reading them together and discussing and speculating after each chapter! I promise you will have a lot of fun with this.

Lessons in At-Homeness

One of the things that I love about our community and school is the number of families who have chosen to have a parent at home, or with school age children, a parent at home when the children are at home. This is not to say anything against families with both parents working full time, it is simply that the dynamic of the community is different. Friends come home with the kids after school. They can run around the corner to a friend's house or just play with the other neighborhood kids on the block. And I think it makes the parents more open to getting together as well. There is not the busyness or lack of time and energy to socialize on the spur of the moment.

And what I really love about our school is the number of stay-at-home dads. What a cool dynamic they bring to their families. They have really inspired me in many ways. As an at home mom, there are the pressures of the societal images of what an at-home mom should be like, and what her family should look like, and what her home should smell like. Even though we modern at-home moms have busted out of the pearls, that demon June Cleaver still lingers in the backs of our minds as a standard.

At-home dads have the freedom of no such icon. And this freedom allows them to create the role for themselves. They have already done an about face on the societal expectations put on men to be breadwinners, so they have purposefully done away with that pressure. Do they still have to deal with the patronization of career men the same way we do with career women? I'm sure. And it outrages me as much as my own experiences do. But, at home within their families they get a chance to explore. And with this group of at-home dads, they had careers and educations that they put on hold for their families. I have found a great mix of intelligent, creative, fun loving men and that appears to be what they bring first to their roles. They play with their kids. They are so much more active with them. And that's what they have inspired me with. A new emphasis on what should be important in my at-homeness.

It will be interesting to see what the children of SAHDs grow up like. Especially the daughters. I get a little worried sometimes when Rosie wants to be like me so she straps a doll into her sling and starts washing the floor. Not that that isn't a part of what I do, but it isn't who I am. And the father-daughter dynamic is so different from the mother-daughter one. Mothers tend to coddle their sons, and fathers their daughters. So, to have that full time coddling reversed would be very interesting. What a neat childhood for a girl. And for a boy to have someone there actively playing and roughhousing and giving an outlet to that energy. AND he'll see a man modeling housework for him. His future wife will love this! I just really enjoy watching these families and how they interact. It gives me so much food for thought.

My favorite example of the difference of the kids being raised by at-home dads vs. moms was from a dinner party we had a few months ago. Rosie came into the dining room and asked me, "Mommy, can I please have some more chocolate milk?" Not 5 minutes later a little boy walked up to his dad and said, "How about another round of chocolate milk, dad?"

With the love of a good man...

Yesterday could not have brought more anxiety with it. So much that I slept through most of the day. Not only was there the anxiety surrounding school, but there was the additional anxiety of driving 3 hours away from my children and trying not to die. I was freaked out because I had slept instead of writing little notes to all of the kids telling them to have a good day and that I loved them just so they would have something... you know, just in case.

The more anxious I got, the more withdrawn I became. The more withdrawn I became the more bouncy Bob became. He has been flitting around the house for days going on and on about how excited he is that I am going back to school and aren't I excited and isn't this just so great. And though sweet and endearing it was working on my every last frazzled nerve.

Let me step back here a second to explain that Bob and I aren't the most lovey dovey couple in the world. We tend to express our devotion to each other with big nose jokes. (both of us have them) Bob expresses his love in a very similar fashion to a 4th grade boy. When out to dinner while we were dating he once tried to saw my arm off with a butter knife. He would want to tell me how great a moment was but instead he would give me a wet willy. You get the picture. Back to my story.

My mom and I finally got off with Eleanor in the backseat. By the time we got to Terre Haute we had lost and hour in the time zone change and it was nearly 9:00. We drove around lost in Terre Haute looking for something to eat and finally made it to campus at nearly 10:00. The campus was dark and the Welcome Center was of course closed by this time so I had to call the security guard to come get me my key so we could get into the guest house. No smiling welcome with balloons and confetti. After settling Sweeting for the night, I looked forward to the reassurance of talking to Bob. But when I called him I have no reception. none. My mom's phone had no reception. I went outside. no reception. I tried to call from the phone in the hall. no long distance. the phone in our room. no long distance. I tossed and turned all night without that thread of connection and hope. Thank goodness my mom was there.

I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots. Still there was no reception. I got Eleanor and myself ready and walked over to the library for the presentations. I was barely keeping it all bottled in. As I took a step into the library, my alert went off on my phone. It was a text message from Bob.

Have a great day. You are awesome. I love you lots.

yeah.
took my breath away, too.

Random things

My Week of Being There ended up more like three days of Being There. I didn't consciously give it up. It just happened. But, at least I have it in my mind now and I'm being more intentional about how I respond to the children.

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Thursday is my Residency day. I will be going to St. Mary-of-the-Woods College for my orientation, to purchase my books, and meet with my professors and adviser. Because I live several hours away and the orientation starts at 9:00 promptly, I am going up the night before and staying on campus. And because I am still exclusively breastfeeding, my mother is going with me and will spend the day with Sweeting so I can take breaks to feed her. Yay! Mom! I am both excited and nervous.

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I am having to put my New Year's Resolution on hold. I am about to start the Total Money Makeover and the part that has always gotten in my craw was that you were supposed to start by saving $1000. That would take us awhile. So, I'm going to use money from our tax return to get that part out of the way. I try to do a good job with money. And for the most part we do. But, there are some places that definitely need some cleaning up. And while we have less than $1000 in credit card debt, we still have Chowder's student loans from his last Master's Degree. I'd really like to get that paid down quickly.

So, when I know where we stand after our Makeover than I can judge a budget for the house.

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If you are about to plan your veggie garden or you would really like to get started on one this year, my friend Bridgett found this super cool Google Book called War Vegetable Gardening and the Home Storage of Vegetables ...By National war garden commission written during World War I. It is amazingly helpful and practical. It is written to help a complete novice and I am using it to make my plans. You should too.

Gee thanks, Octuplet Lady.

I belong to two online parenting communities. One is a parenting after IVF community and the other is parenting lots of kids. And while these may seem like opposing communities, they actually share a deep love for children. Both the ones hard fought for and easily gained. Many times I find myself an ambassador for the other perspective because I fit so neatly in between.

Both communities have been hit very negatively in the media and public sphere by the woman who just gave birth to Octuplets. If you have somehow managed to not hear about this, just Google it. Both communities have been invaded by reporters wanting to interview people about our experiences. With trepidation, some have given the interview. But, the articles portrayed the stories they wanted to tell. In the case of my large family friend who was interviewed, out of the dozens of pictures they took of the family, the NYT decided on the picture that showed them barefoot, standing in front of religious art and ripped wallpaper (from their autistic son.) hmmmm....Do you think the NYT had a vision they wanted to flesh out?

But, the communities are also now being invaded by "Critics." On the message board of my Lots of Kids community someone posed this question:

I am one of "those people" who has always disdained large families. But maybe you can change my perspective by sharing yours. Why is having lots of kids more important than providing the best life you can for each?

That isn't snark; I'm genuinely curious. Explain to me how you negotiate these tradeoffs.

I'm posting my response with some prettying up because I don't think this is an uncommon thought...

First off, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to convince you of anything. If you don't want a big family, don't have one. (And that was not snarky, either. I promise.) I think the main thing is that these days, we are not forced to have big families. We choose them. We choose them because, for us, it makes our lives fuller. If a family of one child or two makes your life fuller? Than that's the right family size for you.

And the phrase, "best life" is such a curious one. A completely subjective idea. What would have been the best life for me growing up would not necessarily be the best life for you. And how can you generalize so much about large families? It makes it sound like having only one or two children guarantees a "best life." I know plenty of children in one or two child families who get less attention from their parents than ours do. Our family has made conscious decisions that help us lead a life using a smaller footprint and using less resources than most one or two child families. The idea that family size somehow predicts happiness and fulfillment is absurd in my mind. Our kids come third (only after our faith and our marriage.) And they are very well cared for emotionally and physically.

I don't think people really know what life is like in our family. We laugh more than any other family I know. I still take plenty of time for myself and for my husband and I. I'm not a drone. Going about doing mindless work in a gray world. My children have taught me so much about myself and about how to relax and enjoy life. There is a perception that we are somehow this big ball of stress and chaos. Ok. maybe the chaos part is right, but we actually DON'T sweat the small stuff. For me, I love that insignificant things that should not occupy my time or thoughts...don't. Because, my time and thoughts are filled up with important things.

I love that I roller skate and write poems and bake depending on the different child. I'm learning how to knit with my daughter and play the guitar from one of my sons who is also teaching a little brother. My kids have each other to stand up for them against the world. (I overheard Oliver and Max talking about how they needed to talk with a girl at school because she was being mean to Rosie) To help them with homework. (They are always challenging each other to do better.) Things they would rather get from each other than from a parent. But, they still get everything they could want or need from us.

Our youngest is 4 months old and I'm having to constantly tell my kids to chill out on the more siblings question. They want more! (ok. not Conor.) They love their lives. We are a very laid back and fun family. Other families have commented on how they feel so comfortable around us because there is no drive to impress.

As far as the whole "older kids raising the younger kids" things I hear about all the time, again, I have to beat my kids off their younger siblings with a stick (and NO, not literally) I'm constantly telling them, "I'm the Mommy, I'll take care of that." And they are begging to do it instead. Should I then forbid them from helping their little siblings? Rosie is the only one that Fiona will allow to help her onto the potty. When I tried to stop her, Rosie said, "Why? I want to help her!" and stomped off in a huff. And Max helps Oliver tie his shoes and button his oxford. Without my asking! Is it somehow bad that I'm raising children who love each other and want to help each other out? They are learning important relationship skills and it bonds them together.

Don't get me wrong. Life isn't always peachy. We have days of nonstop bickering (myself and Bob included). I yell too much. The wet, gray winter can get very long. The laundry pile can get very high. And the toilets get amazingly dirty. But, in my mind it all comes down to a game of Yahtzee. Brothers and sisters chanting for that last 4 for their brother's last roll of the dice and when it comes up a 3 they all groan together and when it comes a 4 they all raise a cheer and yell "Yahtzee!!"

My favorite things...slings

I'm a bit of a baby carrier addict. I love them. They make mommying so much easier and babying so much more comforting. With Fiona, I purchased my first pouch sling from the amazing and talented Niki over at Coastal Slings. You really need to check out her website. You pick the fabrics email her your measurements and she custom makes your sling so it fits you perfectly. And she does it all quickly and frankly cheaply. Note that her prices are in Canadian.

Here's what I see when I look down into my sling at Eleanor...



and it doesn't take long until she looks like this...


With Eleanor, I ordered a ring sling from Raspberry Baby. What I like about the ring sling is its adjustability. And I like to be able to wear the baby on my chest kangaroo-ish style with the feet tucked in. She did a wonderful job the way she attached the rings is fabulous! and the fabric is beautiful. and she even switched it for me because I like to sling from left shoulder. Love it.


Here is brand spanking new Eleanor in my ring sling. She was the smiling-est newborn I ever saw...
and here's me, looking a little rough in the early days...


Both slings are from work at home moms and both are very professionally made. And I'm a bit of a snob about these things.

The Week of Being There

Yesterday began the Week of Being There. My week long experiment of not saying, "Just a minute" or "Hang on. Let me finish this." When I'm not doing anything important. When I'm on the computer or getting caught up in cleaning. Things that should not come before the kids. There obviously are things that I'm doing that I have to say, "Just a minute" to, like feeding Sweeting or taking a shower. But, in those cases I will tell them an exact time that I will do such and such with them. This does not mean I don't get any time to myself, it means that I waste a lot of time during the day, these days, that should be going to them.

So, yesterday was our first full day. And you know what? We had a great day! I had a lot of fun. We watched Sound of Music (reigniting my lifelong fantasies about Christopher Plummer), played Yahtzee, and did one of the kids' favorite things...We set up the camera on timer on one end of the room and then race to the other end to get our picture taken.

I'm looking forward to getting back to the things I love to do. and cracking out of this miserable shell.

grrrrr! What happened to the music?! It's so much funnier with Polka music!! Isn't everything?

Desert and Rain

I've been thinking a lot about a time lapse video I saw at some point in my life. I can't find it, of course. It was of a desert. It starts dry and brown. Then in sweeps a huge dramatic rain storm complete with lightning strikes and a deluge of water flooding the land. After the torrents of floodwaters are gone, there is a brief pause as the desert seems to try and figure out what the hell just happened. And then...well then, life bursts out every crack and crevice. Out of no where flowers who have been dormant for years just start exploding into bright ridiculous colors. There are no other words to use but exploding, bursting words. It's life unable contain itself.

So, I've been sitting here for a couple of hours drinking my Godiva chocolate liqueur infused milkshake, searching the internet for this video. I need to see this video. It is the time lapse version of my soul. As I have read back over my posts about my fatih, I noticed one very strong theme. Fear and Drought. We've talked about God poking me in the eye and saying, "Now wait one minute, Little Lady. You are the one standing far off, not me!" (Yes, God calls me "Little Lady") And it's true. It's all true.

We've also talked about the fact that I have been diagnosed with OCD manifesting itself as Obsessive Morbid Thoughts and Religious Scrupulosity. In essence, my brain has turned God into my adversary. Instead of thinking of God as a protective loving force over my children, he is this maniacal super villain just waiting in the dark to snatch up one of them. After all, he has already done so six. times. As much as I want to believe that God loves my children even more than I do, it just can't be possible. I have to prove that I love them more so that he will say, "Ok. You win. They should stay with you." Like some sort of twisted custody arrangement.

I wasn't raised with this God. This is not the God of my formative years. I was raised with the feel good father of the guitar Mass years. No, this is the God of my childbearing (and not-bearing) years. In the past, I have fallen into the camp of praying prayers like they were magical spells and wearing medals as if they were talismans. Both complete heresy. But now, I've taken a new course.

Shhhhh. I'm hiding from God. Do you think he can see me? It reminds me of Fiona playing hide and seek with her brothers and sister. She puts her face into the pillow and assumes no one can see her. That's me. I've become a runaway. I've made myself an orphan. I am in the desert of my own making. And as much as I want that rain storm. And need that riot of life renewal. As much as my soul is withering away to nothing in this arid landscape, I am too afraid of what that rain storm might look like. So, I am careful not to ask for it. I'm very cautious not to mean it. After all, what would the lightning strike? My husband? One of my children? What would be washed away in the flood? Just my fear? or also my life? leaving my children motherless. Which of my idols would I have to sacrifice to this God?

blech.

I have hit a serious case of the winter blahs. The kids have gotten crabby. I have gotten shrewish. I seem to yell more right now than whisper. Well, we all do. I am having to force myself to go out and socialize. A week ago, I whipped out the last of my steaks and I invited several friend families over for dinner just to get around people. The food was amazing including, Steaks with Kalamata-Olive Chimichurri, and these amazing biscuits (seriously, I could eat my weight in them.) A couple of good bottles of wine and we had a wonderful time. Just what we all needed. We stuck with tradition and the women drank wine and cooked and the men drank beer and watched football. And the kids...well frankly, I don't know what they did. We patched them up when they bled and occasionally told them to stop throwing something at somebody.

I am totally cocooning, which is good because it appears to be a snow day tomorrow. And starting next Sunday I will be doing a little experiment. For one whole week, I will not tell any of the kids, "not right now." Unless of course I really can't do it right now. But usually I am doing something that really could be dropped to take a moment and read a story to Ladybug or teach Jellybean to knit or let Porkchop help me in the kitchen. I will mark the difference it makes in our relationships and in the house. I will find another time to vacuum or blog or watch tv. I've fallen into a really ugly pattern with this and I am excited to force myself out of it. Want to join me?

Peek-In-Monday

Right before I got the camera out he was jumping around the kitchen "shocking" anyone who came in and singing "Shock the Monkey" in his Axl Rose voice. I can't explain this phenomenon, but for whatever reason when Chowder tries to imitate a particular singer, no matter who, it sounds like Axl Rose. "Sweet Caroline" in his best Neil Diamond imitation really just sounds like Axl Rose. "Sunday Bloody Sunday?" Bono becomes Axl Rose. "Mexican Radio?" by Axl Rose. Have you ever heard "Unforgettable" sung by Axl Rose?

notice at the end he is even annoying the dog.

OK. Here we go. The Kitchen.

So, my starting point with my kitchen is the big blank wall. It is parallel to you when you walk in the door. It is big and blank. see? (Please ignore giant dog butt.)


So, on this wall I wanted to put a new pretty paper.
These are my top choices..Anzio From Ballard Designs


and from Linda Barker: Tempting-Celadon



And from Design Your Wall are these choices





Once I pick the paper I can choose the paints. I'm leaning toward 2, 3, and 5. I like the muted cool tones of the celadon. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my entire house wall to ceiling is painted yellow. It's a nice, soothing yellow. But I'm done with all the warmth already! But, at the same time I like the bam! of the red. I've ordered samples so we have to see what they really look like once I get them.

The big, blank wall will also be getting some shelving. Something along the lines of Elfa.


I'll paint the island thingy some sort of complimentary color to whatever scheme I come up with. Then I'll throw in a couple of rugs and some new canisters, tea kettle, trash can and such. And then, as the kids like to say, "Bwalla!" (like, you know, Voila!)

Well, I may never be able to blog again...

My next blog post is supposed to be about my 2009 Resolution. It was going to tell you all about how finally I'm going to bite the bullet and decorate my house. It was going to tell you how I'm picking a room a month and I'm starting with my kitchen. It was going to tell you my big plans and have you help me pick out some stuff. It was going to have a before picture of my kitchen....and that is where we keep running into problems. I've been waiting for my kitchen to be clean so that I could take a picture. I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow, Kate. Tomorrow you'll finally get it all clean." You see, I keep getting it almost clean. But then it so quickly becomes un-clean again and I just haven't been able to get it to that all-clean place.

So, here it is almost midnight and my kitchen looks like this





and instead of using this time to get it done I have been chatting with my brother on Facebook and planning my application to my next job. Don't you think we would be perfect for it?! I'd have the greatest blog ever!

The Resolution of last year's Resolution...

Last year around this time I made one very big and important resolution. I resolved that 2008 would be the year that I went back to school to finish my degree. And I am going to check that off my list, even though officially I did not go back in 2008. I did however, apply and get accepted in 2008 and I will be starting this month.

Should it have taken an entire year to do that? well, no. But, it turns out that I am a really big chicken. I can't tell you how many times I sat in front of this computer to write the stupid essay and ended up just sitting here. orrrrr poking around on various message boards. orrrrrr playing games on my kids Webkinz accounts. (I rock Home Before Dark!) I was paralyzed. I have no idea why. Well, maybe. I mean, I still feel such weird insecurities from my first college career and the whole teen pregnancy thing. My how those doubts get themselves so dug into our spirits that they become interwoven with the threads of ourselves. It doesn't take as much courage as I expected. It takes...persistence. And patience. And precision. To go back over that fabric and pull out those threads one by one. It takes time.

It took me 2 years. 2 years from when I realized that I wanted to attend St. Mary of the Woods and then actually getting it done. I would keep going back to the website. Keep looking at the application. My biggest dread was awakening the old demons by requesting my transcripts. I finally had to sit myself down and force myself to send the forms. And in the end, there was no big overshadowing monster. There were instead, 2 years worth of credits! And to think I was so afraid of this demon I almost just pretended I never went to school!

So, I am officially a co-ed. Do you think they'll let me join a sorority?

Happy New Year!

We have so much to catch up on!
I'll be back blogging next week. We were out of town last week and in and out of Children's hospitals because Fiona is fighting off RSV. She seems to be getting the upper hand now. Please keep her in your prayers.

Next week:

• The Evolution of last year's Resolution.
• 2009 Resolutions
• Update on Conor
• My new favorite things.
  

until next week a quick peek into how my family helps me get dinner ready while listening to Ok Go...






looks helpful, doesn't it?