The Curse has been inherited...

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the kids. They are beyond excited. But, today Rosie told me that she is a little worried about school because "Mary" is in her class. Last year "Mary" was a developing Queen Bee and Rosie was genuinely confused by her and fickleness. and her meanness.

It was incredibly apropos because I just finished confronting a Queen Bee in my own life so I was able to talk with her from a very fresh perspective. But, I'm afraid I burdened her with a curse more than alleviated her concerns. It would appear that she, like me, was born to battle these creatures. And on the one hand I felt a little proud but on the other my heart broke for all of the future heartbreak she is facing. So, I tried to arm her as best I could. Here is what I told her, from one Queen Bee Slayer to another.

I wish I could tell you that girls grew out of this phase. That somewhere hearts were softened and insecurities were wiped away and these Mean Girls turned into compassionate, open women. But that would be a lie. You will meet Mean Girls your entire life. The first lesson that you have to learn is how to recognize them. It is easier to simply avoid their reach altogether than to have to slip out from their grasp once you realize what you are tangling with.

A sure sign that you are dealing with a Mean Girl is if she tries to cozy up to you and get information from you about other people, your friends. She may sound supportive or sympathetic. She generally shows up an opportune time, like when you have just had an argument with one of your friends. Trust me. This girl has no interest in comforting you. She only wants to use you. Your best response...You should ask her that yourself.

The second and hardest lesson you need to learn is that when you go up against a Queen Bee, you are going alone. Even if you are going to defend your friend against mean things that the Queen Bee has done. You will look at the Queen Bee and all her "friends" around her and when you turn to find comfort in seeing your friends behind you...you will hear the wind in the trees and gravel under your feet. But you will not hear the sound of someone backing you up. I've done this countless times. I wish to God that I didn't feel like I had to fight these battles. But, I truly can't help it. And the worst feeling is knowing that you are standing there completely alone. Even at my age when I know that it is the case, I still hope...and my heart still drops. But, if you choose to stick your neck out and stand up to her, (and you don't have to!) know beforehand that you will be standing alone. No matter how many people told you that this person needed to be brought down. No matter how hurt and upset the person you are defending is, in the end it is your neck. alone. And nine times out of ten, you're going to get your ass handed to you in a pretty package with a bow on top. And after all of that, they will come out of the woodwork to tell you how great it was that you stood up to the Queen Bee.

And the last lesson...nine times out of ten? It won't have changed anything. The Queen Bee will still reign. But you? You have stood up to injustice. You will hurt. But, I have to believe that somewhere in the universe this little flap of butterfly wing has brought about an act of great love.