Today, I'm going to be a good mom AND have a clean house.

So, now that I have started my lovely new index card system, my laundry is all done, there is no crap laying around, my kitchen floor has been clean for 4 days, my meals are planned and my grocery list is made, my bills are paid, and the bathrooms (yes, even the children's bathroom) are sparkling. *sigh* loverly.

My kids? Well, let's just say that every night they ask me hopefully if I'm going out. Or when they got home from school yesterday they heard me pull out the shoe crate from under the bench in the hallway and they enthusiastically yelled their good-byes only to discover that I was simply putting away Jellybean's errant shoes that had been left on the floor. Their faces dropped and Jellybean mumbled, "Sorry, Mommy."

I don't know what my deal is. I can't seem to get everything up to the good-enough standard. I have to instead go cyclically from one area of my life to the next cleaning up the chaos and bad feelings I left behind while neglecting the other areas leading to chaos and hurt feelings. I know part of it is ADD and hyperfocus and the typical ADD cycles. But, ugh how I crave that much philosophied and New Age-ified BALANCE. I'm hoping that once I get the index card system up and running I'll be able to relax a bit and focus on the reason why I have the stupid file box in the first place. To give me the space and opportunity to nurture the people I love around me.

Chances are though, the file box will just start to gather dust until I can't stand the state of the house anymore.